he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
