yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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