And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
