Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
