i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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