No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
