Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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