In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
