I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
