i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
