I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
