i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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