FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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