why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
