i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
