I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
