I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
