i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
