My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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