those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
