His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
