"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
