Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
