can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
