I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
