dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
