On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize