I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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