what day is it and did you see me today?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize