At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
