Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
