what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
