I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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