Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
