You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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