garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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