Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
