you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
