if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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