pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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