I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
