I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
