You work out of a Hotel?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
