Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
