You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
