i just google imaged poop.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
