Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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