I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
