I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
