He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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