Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
