So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i need some magic done to my vagina
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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