I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
