I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
