I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
