spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
