don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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