I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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