do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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