Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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