I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
