there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
