it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
