are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
