We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
