i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
