just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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