Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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