I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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