Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
