I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
