Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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