So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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