I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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