I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
