I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
