If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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