There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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