I hope mine doesn't look like that
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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