Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
