so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she smelled like a LAN party
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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