I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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