sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
