Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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