Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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