I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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