im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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