I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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