You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
