i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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