youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
