After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
