I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize