So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
