is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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