Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
