I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
