oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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