He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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