you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
