He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
