If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
