His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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